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It's interesting to find where you are now....and compared to where you used to be when it comes to one's ideologies...about anything really. I will comment specifically on growing spiritually, however, and this may shock some people.

I've come to the conclusion (and it's about time probably) that nothing matters. I don't mean that in a "just kill me now" mentality. I mean that in the sense that I look around me and feel like we are WAY off as a society...but it doesn't surprise me, because I believe it all stems from the garden on eden when Even thought she needed to know it all. We live in a society that feels it needs to know and understand EVERYTHING. Even if we don't care to understand it, we think we need to weigh in with our opinion. We have 24 hour "news" channels that not only keep us up to date on what is going on with OUR involvement in Iraq, but also with what is going on with OJ Simpson, Brittany Spears, and what food the airline will be serving this Christmas. We have gossip channels, food channels, court tv channels.....to name a few. There's no lack of some sort of information out there. But it's not the secular I am concerned with...because they don't follow the same rules and understandings the Christians do. It is, therefore, the church getting as involved that concerns me. I've mentioned this to some respect in previous posts and therefore will attempt to not repeat myself.

The latest in my searching is understanding other faiths and lifestyles. Christians (scholars and laymen) write books, give speeches, hold training seminars and all but create churches based on their expertise of a religion or lifestyle of others. Now, I am also guilty of this having spent years studying Islam and creating a certain knowledge base of other non-Christian ways of life. Now, let me say, for those that are training to be, or training others to be, ministers/missionaries it is understandable to a degree to know how to respect a culture. However, I am not really speaking of those. I am speaking about the average joe...who listens to the radio guy, or watches the TV guy claim to know the ends and outs of this or that.

It is not the seeking of knowledge that I am most against quite frankly. It is the appearance that we 1. put ALL into such knowledge when it comes to dealing with someone of said lifestyle or religion. 2. Many times it is people OUTSIDE of such religion or lifestyle who are the "experts" and therefore I find many things contradicting...or just plain pointless. Example-there are SOOO MANY said experts on Islam (who are Christians)....and some will tell you Jihad means this...Jihad means that...this is why they say this...etc. etc. (you get me)...yet, really IT DOESN'T MATTER. It doesn't matter what Jihad means, because it's not going change how the Muslim is to be treated by us. It doesn't change the fact that the Muslim has not accepted Jesus as the Messiah and therefore his/her personal savior. It means nothing, really. It doesn't matter WHY someone had an abortion....simply that they are in need of grace, and therefore deserve our love and compassion. Would someone deserve less grace or love if they had an abortion because they were scared rather than selfish....think about it from spiritual terms.

If we concentrate on learning to love one another and learning all the fruits of such love.....knowledge or none of a certain religion or lifestyle will have no affect (effect?) Rather, we will come to understand what the Bible says anyway....we are either going to be planting a seed, watering a seed, or harvesting....but NEVER are we the life to that seed. We are simply the farmer.

And the bags get packed.....again

For those of you that know me well...this will come as no surprise. I am currently in the process of planning my next visit to that wonderful land of terrorist camps and scary guys with beards.....that's right, going back to Pakistan. Now, for those that don't know me well.....I'm SOOOOO excited. First, I don't view Pakistan through the same lens that Fox News and CNN do-and therefore I am not going to fear my life every waking moment. Second-it's only for a visit. Ezzah will be turning a year and having no real job (or hardly any job at all for that matter), and not doing much with my life, and I have the opportunity....I'm going to grab at it happily.

There are several reasons this is a great thing to do. First, how awesome will Ezzah's pictures be while she's toddling around Lahore???? (obviously not the most important reason). Second, Usama has missed EVERYTHING in our daughter's first year of life. He's followed her happenings the same way most everyone has....via her blog page. I think it will be GREAT for him to be part of this celebration. Which....I'm a little confused sometimes as to why the first year is such a big deal-not like she's been hanging on by a thin string or something...but I digress. Third, (and one of the most important reasons) her Grandmother and Aunt will be able to see her...which is not something that will happen as often once Usama gets over here. Sometimes I feel really badly for them as they live away from all of the children and miss seeing them grow.....and of course Ezzah is the favorite! :) I realize this is part of being with someone from a different country...for both sides.

Yes, I am excited also, because I really enjoy visiting Pakistan. There always seems to be something new for me to do, learn, experience. I am also planning on doing further research from my original trip (if anyone remembers what took me there to begin with!) This is fun for me because I love research, and I fell in love with what I did before. Not because I was so good, but because I learned so much. I came away with such a different viewpoint on Pakistan and learned so much about the issue I studied. I met so many wonderful people doing my studies, and while I don't need to walk away with another husband....I wouldn't mind walking away with more acquaintances.

So, I will be going through my suitcases, emptying them out, and getting things in order. Let's hope Ezzah is as good a traveler as a one year old as she was as a one month old!!!

Eye opener

Most are aware of one of my jobs being at a coffee shop. It's not even quite that cool-it's a college coffee shop...and not a cool college. Not the point though.

I see all sorts of people, and the fact the public aid/dept.of human services office is in the same complex-some of these people need to be educated, but all of them need to be loved. It's probably the next depressing daily allowance of reality I've gotten since living in a "developing" country. I'm serious. From babies born to women who are incredibly unfit and obviously don't care about having such a gift (and I can understand not thinking it such a "gift")-to older people who have a hard time just making it out of bed daily. It's just person after person who break my heart each shift. I've seen all this one at a time.....an uncaring parent at the grocery store, and elderly person struggling over how to write a check at the checkout line.....it's all over.

Then there's this one woman. She's got Parkinson's disease.......and it's BAD! I've seen people with hand shakes and stuff.....and it's minimal to medium. This poor woman, however, I just....I don't know how she still functions-and sometimes I can tell she doesn't. She has the hardest time keeping anything in grasp, and watching her walk, you can see she manages by the grace of God. I've never seen anything like this. My heart melts every time I see her. I'm amazed at what this disease is capable of doing to someone. Unlike certain situations....those who feel like failures, or unloved, you can offer them kind words, develop a relationship....etc. etc. For those who struggle due to age or other disabilities, you can offer assistance physically-helping them with their chores, etc. For this woman....I was at a loss. What do you do for someone in this condition. Obviously you pray-but your heart breaks and you don't feel like that's enough.

I think of the second coming-end of the world-whatever is going to happen first, and honestly, sometimes my heart is saddened. I realize this isn't a Christian way to think-and I'll admit it's the "carnal" part of me who can't fathom being in the presence of God, not missing my family/friends, not even realizing what I've left. Then, I realize it's incredible selfish of me to wish for a second for another moment w/o Jesus' return, when there are so many who just await that moment for their life to be not hell. (no joke intended).

I miss my husband, and I think daily of the possibility of never seeing him again. Perhaps it'll be due to being called home...perhaps something sad.....I love my daughter-and am thankful for the joy she's brought into my life. I can't imagine getting up everyday and facing what so many people who have horrible parents, disabling diseases, living in sever poverty.....I just can't imagine how they get up and go about their day.

Stranger than stupid!

Okay, I just watched "Stranger Than Fiction". For two reasons only....I love Emma Thompson, and I was told there's a Bollywood movie with a similar plot.

While, I'm not Lit know-it-all. Quite frankly, I'm a Lit, know nothing. I read books I like, I like them for various reasons, but from an analytical point of view I don't generally expect or respect many of the characteristics of "good literature". Which, may or may not matter to why I hated this movie, except, the plot is essentially centered on this wonderful piece of lit that Emma Thompson's character is writing. For those that haven't seen the movie, I won't waste time going into it.

Despite the fact that the movie was just.......stupid......when Will Ferrell's character finds the author and finds out he's going to have to die and he finds out from this lit guru that Will must face this...the answer is basically 'the book will suck otherwise'. THAT'S THE REASON THIS GUY NEEDS TO DIE??? Okay, the point that "we all go sometime" is mentioned, but the swaying of the pendulum is a good book. WTF!!! Sorry, but that's just the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a very long time, and as mentioned I like Bollywood movies, and they put out a lot of silly stuff. I'm sure glad I was usuing my free trial of Netflix for this! Stupid movie.

What really matters

I read the blogs of my friends in the ministry, and while they don't devote every waking hour to their work-they are doing exactly what we were instructed by Jesus to do with our lives. Do I think you have to be "in the ministry" to obey Jesus...oh no, but I think this culture gives to that frame of mind.

First, EVERYTHING is a ministry. I realize it's semantics, but what has been meant for attempting to explain something, has turned into an excuse not to do something. What I mean is....Christians forget that feeding the poor, helping their neighbor, visiting people in the hospital.....these aren't segregated in the Bible. These weren't a list of things we COULD do....they were within the list of things we are SUPPOSED to do. Yet, so many people don't do something because it's not part of "their ministry", or, they don't think they can do something to help someone because they aren't part of a specific ministry. We assume that since there's a ministry for this or that we can just sort of stay out of it. Or, we put our time into this ministry or that ministry and we think it's all good.

I realize I sound awfully judgmental, and it's actually not the people I am judging, it's just looking at what words and terms have done to our society.

The basic instruction: Love one another. This doesn't mean we put in our time on Tuesdays from 7-9, or perhaps we have our number listed for the single mothers prayer club......it means we love.....everyone...no questions, no requirements, no qualifications. You don't have to be a single mother to love a single mother. You don't have to have committed a crime to love a criminal. Every Christian can relate to anyone, on one simple fundamental-we've all been at a place when we needed God's grace, and that's the starting point with anyone.

Sat

I'm bored, and exhausted. I don't know what keeps me from going to bed, except sheer stupidity.

"free" people

Considering the idea of "free", and the recent learning of the Battle of Thermopylae both from "historical" points as well as dramatic....something has come to my mind about the Romans of B.C.......were they actually "free".

I understand compared to many many people they were surrounded by, the people of the Roman Empire were "free" rather than enslaved. This, however, is not a born-into freedom. The history of the Roman people, as well as who was allowed to maintain life, is based on choice-someone else's choice-for someone's life. This is not freedom, indeed, it's a form of life-control, and I believe a form of slavery. EVERYTHING in a person's life during the times of the Roman Empire was about the "state". Decisions were made, lives were ended, and everything revolved around the state of the Roman Empire. If not only in their minds'. Women were handed over to men, children-if not abandonded at birth-were stripped from their families and put through what we would consider horrific training-through adult-hood. Dying for the "state" was one's greatest gift, and they lived accordingly. Is this actually freedom? Is brainwashing patriotism not slavery? Perhaps life was better for these slaves than for those within other cultures, but none the less, it was slavery.

As found on Wikipedia and correctly noted there "The head of the household had great power (patria potestas, "father's power") over those living with him: He could force marriage and divorce, sell his children into slavery, claim his dependents' property as his own, and even had the right to kill family members (though this last right apparently ceased to be exercised after the first century B.C.).[71] Patria potestas even extended over adult sons with their own households: A man was not considered a paterfamilias, nor could he truly hold property, while his own father lived"

Looking at the cultural background of the Roman people, they are not much different than those of that area today-with some exceptions of course. This leads me to view what some of us take as "religious" practices as actually being passed down through cultural. (another post though)

I guess I noticed this the most recently, because of how often the terms "volunteer army" and "free fighters" were used in my readings and viewings. We understand the Roman Empire as having brought about many many of the current ways of living, from architecture to government-but, as usual, we don't pay attention to where the priorities really were. It's indicative of the human race, isn't it....to look to human examples for their way of life rather than to look to God and what he says is truth. Throughout many (I would dare say most), the very ingredient that would disable so many of these ways of life for people is simply love. Although not every culture has a religon that teaches love as Christians know it to be in the Bible...that's sort of my point. How the world, without God by choice or by culture, is a very very sad place. I am curious as to how mankind (as a whole) has missed this from culture to culture....living without truly loving one another, even from a non-relious motivation.

We will fight in the shade

Okay, because I'm a big dork and know pretty close to nothing about the comic book/graphic novel world...I JUST saw 300 today. I will also confess my desire to see this movie is actually based on the fact that I watched the History Channel special on the historical account of such events, rather than any knowledge of a comic book even existing. I don't recall how 2 and 2 were put together, but they did and I rented the dvd. I must say WAY COOL! oh...and EWWWWW both comments for so many reasons. I would have to say while I understand it's not all factual in the movie...even within costumes and such, I am sad that one scene wasn't given a greater look, and that is indeed of the legend of the arrows that covered the day sky and made it dark. The movie did show that this happened, but most of the scene was then watching them fall to the ground (which, incidentally, they made a point in showing the robes get arrowed down, but no one seemed to have a hard time getting up did they...hhmm). I would have loved for this to be something of a bigger picture just because it was such an ordeal....enough arrows in the sky to darken it, and if memory serves me correct, it was for quite a little bit of time.

I have tons of analysis on the Roman Empire itself, but that is for another post.....for the movie WAY COOL! I am quite impressed with the acting of the lead character, I'm too lazy at this point to check his name. Also, while I think it was a little bit of a push to seek the "human" side of the Romans within a film like this, I did enjoy the character study of the queen. I rarely like movies that are so digitalized the acting is not even noticed, but this film is a WONDERFUL combination of what can be done in both directions. I would say the digital parts of this weren't the usual "no way that's so fake" type, rather used to accent certain points, which made it (to me) more photographic in idea, for me as a viewer anyway.

Obviously, there was dramatic liberties taken, and that's expected, but the film (and I'm assuming the comic) got the essence of the story-which is pretty nifty.

Xerxes....what a freak!

My father is not four

I will bring my recent soapbox down to this point.....If Jesus...King by both bloodline and Authority did not rule the eart, what on earth do Christians think they are doing trying to rule it for Him.

I realize I am DEEPLY unpopular in my thinking, and I'm okay with that. I don't claim to have all the secrets of God in my pocket (I did marry outside my faith), and therefore perhaps my credibility is shot in some minds. However, I don't claim to be on the list for the next authors of the Bible, I am merely someone who seeks to understand God through eyes not of my culture.

I enjoy following politics for the most part. Not only within my own country, but I am deeply interested in what happens in other parts of the world as well, specifically Pakistan (go figure), however, even from p.s. point of view-there's a lot to be studied and something major has the opportunity of happening soon. But I digress. I have discovered, though, perhaps it's not in the Christian's calling OR best interest to be so vested in wordly politics. First, it takes many away from attempting soul care and tries to simply legalize morality....and guess what, it won't work. I also find it goes against scripture. I don't believe people intend to try to tell God what won't happen, rather they just don't want it happening in the good ole' U.S.A. Read the Bible, though, and nowhere does it say "It will be as in the times of Noah-except the United States of America, where all will be peacefull and there will be no homosexuals." (seeing they tend to be a Christian's worse nightmare) Forget they have a soul as well.

What is the option? I'm not quite there yet, because I'm not sure where to draw the line, but I will say, I'm going to spend more time praying about those of us on earth (including myself) and less time trying to decide which crackpot I think should be in office. Let's face it....even if Hilary Clinton gets elected (I just had a shiver run up my spine with those nausiating words), then I believe this is God's will in order for things to run as he supposes. I think that's his perogative too actually.

We were told to spread the good news. To concentrate on loving people, the widows, the sick (and I dont' believe this implys only those with the flu), even those in jail....oh yes, even the badies. We were told to love others as God is love. I figure, if Jesus wasn't arguing the law at his trial, we have no right to argue the law with this country, no matter what those who wrote some stuff down on a peice of paper said, believed, or we THINK they believed. I will be a Christian regardless of who is in office, of what stupid rule they pass to drive us from society, and no matter what country I live in frankly.