I'm serious, I will be adressing conception in this note, so for the shy, you may wish to wait the next entry. Nothing explicit really, just philosophy.
I was reading "The Abolition of Man" by C.S.Lewis the other day, still working through it as I don't spend a lot of time reading these days, and he was discussing the effect (affect?) of the institution of contraceptives. He spends several sentances throughout the book thus far touching on this, and since they were being used more often and more publicly for the first time during this time frame it's understandable. One thing he mentions though, is that by the use of such items, we are basically controlling the population of the earth. This suprises me of him. Not to say I'm a scholor of all things C.S. Lewis, however, someone of other thoughts I've read of his suprise me to think he would lend something like population of the earth in the hands of us humans.
Perhaps I'm on the side of the ever so famous Monty Python song that talks of the catholic familiy who will not use any sort of contraceptive. (which I will not quote, but many are familiar with, if not......rent "The Meaning of Life") Now, I can talk big, right, because my husband is on another continent and I'm a faithful wife. HOWEVER, I also had a kid when I SOOOOO was not wanting one (so, I'm not quite a hypocrit). My point, is that if throughout the Bible, and many times in some of the most elequently written Psalms, God is the maker of our days. He knew us before we were formed in the unknown. All our steps are ordained by him. I'm not going to go intoa pre-destination rant, because that makes my head hurt....but in the realm of life.....birth....doesn't it lend to the idea that it is God rather than man that is in charge of population growth? I've struggled with my own decisions on birth control, obviously should have gotten my theory down BEFORE getting married, but oh well...she's fun. And, yeah, I'm kind of scared of the possibility of having more children....okay REALLY scared......but I'm not sure it's up to me, anymore than Ezzah was. Perhaps if I stayed married, and stayed 3,000miles apart from my husband I wouldn't have anything to fear, but that's a little extreme.
I have really no actual point here, I guess, except to say that it suprises me C.S.Lewis of all people would think we have some sort of hold over the next generation because we can choose to create LESS of a population. I could be missing something he has said at a later time, of course....but for now, that's where I am. And, I have to say, I don't agree with him, which says absolutely nothing really, because I can't even pretend to be able to stand on the same level as him philosophically.
*spell check isn't working on here for me, so now you know what a complete moron I am and can't spell worth anything!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Frappe'
While thinking of a particular idea in the Bible, it brought me to wish to be better understanding of the idea behind the idea. I have heard a sermon on "being hot or cold....or lukewarm" many many times. To my knowledge (or to my memory), I don't recall what hot...cold....and lukewarm actually imply. And, is hot and cold both versions of Christianity, and you can get into heaven being one or the other....it is just the lukewarm that aren't allowed? Perhaps I have my understanding of this verse wrong (or I should say my misunderstanding). I have a lot of thoughts and wonders about judgement, because I know it's final....and in all honesty it scares the stuffing out of me.....but I lack understanding of what is exactly to be heaven bound. Perhaps because what Jesus says, and then what is in Revelation varies in my mind...I mean, it doesn't seem so cut and dry. I have been told, simply believing is simply enough.....and yet what does that mean really.
Is lukewarm believing, but still adhereing to the "world", and when I say that I mean in the small things-what I watch on TV, read, listen to in music, etc. etc. Can I say I believe and be entertained by non-God praising means. If things that are of God good, adn things that are not bad, then that reasoning leads me to believe that many things I think are surely okay...perhaps aren't, it's my culture that has taught me that they are. I have had similar thoughts to this before and I'm told that God would not have us live so "rigid", but is it really rigid to God....or is it Godly......and perhaps there's a hot and a cold in all that, and they are both good enough......so what is lukewarm.
I am not for most things our society lives by, but I see there is no real way to escape what we as humans have done. From health to lifestyles, it's difficult to live according to what seems to be the right way, unless one converts to be Amish (which.....I don't see on some level to be so bad quite frankly)
Is lukewarm believing, but still adhereing to the "world", and when I say that I mean in the small things-what I watch on TV, read, listen to in music, etc. etc. Can I say I believe and be entertained by non-God praising means. If things that are of God good, adn things that are not bad, then that reasoning leads me to believe that many things I think are surely okay...perhaps aren't, it's my culture that has taught me that they are. I have had similar thoughts to this before and I'm told that God would not have us live so "rigid", but is it really rigid to God....or is it Godly......and perhaps there's a hot and a cold in all that, and they are both good enough......so what is lukewarm.
I am not for most things our society lives by, but I see there is no real way to escape what we as humans have done. From health to lifestyles, it's difficult to live according to what seems to be the right way, unless one converts to be Amish (which.....I don't see on some level to be so bad quite frankly)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
&**&^$%#$
How do you accurately swear without writting it out plainly? I would surely have no issues writting just how I am feeling at the moment, however, I would severly offend those I am closest to. Therefore, please take my status that I am INCREDIBLY PISSED at the moment.
I get this letter today from the National Visa Processing Center, in said letter is the good news...time to send Usama's application to New Hampshire. I was able (miraculously) to get through to a customer service agent about a month ago, and they told me we could follow the online instructions to be prepared. Usama could send me the required documents and that way we could send them straight in I got the above mentioned letter. So we did. Being the control freak that I am, I read, re-read, and re-read again everything on the website to make sure what we needed to get. And, he sent it. I've had everything ready, anxiously awaiting todays letter.
And then I open it. There is a supplement form-DATED AUG 1992- that says that if the applicant is married he/she must have a passport that reflects marital status. I should mention, the website does state he needs to send a copy of a specific page from his passport....but nothing about what needs to be on it. Naturally, I AM PISSED!!! Why, because this has now pushed us back AT LEAST a month, and that is if he can rush over to the office where one gets a passport and get one (as if he has a money tree growing on the terrace). WHAT THE *&%#! Had this piece of information been relayed, we could have at least gotten his passport by now and he could have sent in the right form.
All the talk of immigration reform.....I'm not really sure what these politicians are actually talking about....aside from a bunch of bull, because they sure aren't going to reform the system where it makes any sense (I have a list of obsurdatices), and they sure aren't going to reform it for those that are actually trying to do it right. How friggin hard is it to simply update a damn website??? How hard is it for the c.s agent to give that little bit of information? What the hell are they doing if they can't accurately answer a question....WHEN YOU CAN GET THROUGH!! I'm moving to Dubai.....or Canada....or Montana.
I get this letter today from the National Visa Processing Center, in said letter is the good news...time to send Usama's application to New Hampshire. I was able (miraculously) to get through to a customer service agent about a month ago, and they told me we could follow the online instructions to be prepared. Usama could send me the required documents and that way we could send them straight in I got the above mentioned letter. So we did. Being the control freak that I am, I read, re-read, and re-read again everything on the website to make sure what we needed to get. And, he sent it. I've had everything ready, anxiously awaiting todays letter.
And then I open it. There is a supplement form-DATED AUG 1992- that says that if the applicant is married he/she must have a passport that reflects marital status. I should mention, the website does state he needs to send a copy of a specific page from his passport....but nothing about what needs to be on it. Naturally, I AM PISSED!!! Why, because this has now pushed us back AT LEAST a month, and that is if he can rush over to the office where one gets a passport and get one (as if he has a money tree growing on the terrace). WHAT THE *&%#! Had this piece of information been relayed, we could have at least gotten his passport by now and he could have sent in the right form.
All the talk of immigration reform.....I'm not really sure what these politicians are actually talking about....aside from a bunch of bull, because they sure aren't going to reform the system where it makes any sense (I have a list of obsurdatices), and they sure aren't going to reform it for those that are actually trying to do it right. How friggin hard is it to simply update a damn website??? How hard is it for the c.s agent to give that little bit of information? What the hell are they doing if they can't accurately answer a question....WHEN YOU CAN GET THROUGH!! I'm moving to Dubai.....or Canada....or Montana.
In the real world
Okay, so my last post was all about how I am realizing just how much of a jerk I am, right? And how I'm prayerfully trying to work out of that. Wouldn't you know it, I go to work yesterday and meet perhaps the STUPIDEST people on the face of the planet. I have some tips for society;
1)Don't go into a coffee shop, stare at the price board for 4/5 min, order three drinks and then complain when the price is over 10$. Yeah, you're an idiot for spending so much on beverages! Either you can't add and you were generally shocked, or you just want what you want and then want to complain when you have to pay for it........that's capitalism baby!
2)Dont' order a frappacino and then say "oh, I'd better not" to the whipped cream...ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That whipped cream is NOTHING compared to the crap you're digesting in that damn drink.....as if we're talking about a slim fast shake here....idiot
3)Don't complain to me about the prices. Have you never ordered a latte' anywhere else, do you not know that espresso drinks are liquid gold you are drinking? Also, do you really think I'd be making your damn drink if I was in a position to control pricing NO, my fat ass would be sitting in some leather chair behind some huge desk playing online golf if I had that sort of control. Leave a note, I'll be sure to pass it on to the master.
And finally-here's what just made me realize I am no where near where I was hoping I was (I guess realizing your faults does not mean you've managed to improve on them). This guy came in and wanted to use one of the computers (I should add, we are a college cafe', and there is a "bar" of 4 computers for people to come in and get online). He stands in front of one of them and asks if anyone was sitting there, I said no.....he says okay. I am afraid the last guy left some porn page up on the screen so I glance over to the screen and it's email. So I tell the guy he can just close it up. The next thing I notice, he's going through the emails!!!!!! Okay, so he's just some jerk, right.....well, he comes to the counter about an hour later (I am pretty sure he went to other sites through this hour, leaving the person's email elsewhere) and notices my book by C.S. Lewis. I dont' have it out for anyone to notice, I was just reading it when he came up and I put it down. He starts discussing with me these other Christian books of Lewis' he's read. I want to tell him he's a big fat jerk for reading other people's email and then talking to me about Christian philosophy, till it dawns on me, telling someone off and then talking Christian philosophy is probably along the same lines of integrity.
Point-I am a jerk..........and I measure up to a jerk who would sit and read someone else's emails....
1)Don't go into a coffee shop, stare at the price board for 4/5 min, order three drinks and then complain when the price is over 10$. Yeah, you're an idiot for spending so much on beverages! Either you can't add and you were generally shocked, or you just want what you want and then want to complain when you have to pay for it........that's capitalism baby!
2)Dont' order a frappacino and then say "oh, I'd better not" to the whipped cream...ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That whipped cream is NOTHING compared to the crap you're digesting in that damn drink.....as if we're talking about a slim fast shake here....idiot
3)Don't complain to me about the prices. Have you never ordered a latte' anywhere else, do you not know that espresso drinks are liquid gold you are drinking? Also, do you really think I'd be making your damn drink if I was in a position to control pricing NO, my fat ass would be sitting in some leather chair behind some huge desk playing online golf if I had that sort of control. Leave a note, I'll be sure to pass it on to the master.
And finally-here's what just made me realize I am no where near where I was hoping I was (I guess realizing your faults does not mean you've managed to improve on them). This guy came in and wanted to use one of the computers (I should add, we are a college cafe', and there is a "bar" of 4 computers for people to come in and get online). He stands in front of one of them and asks if anyone was sitting there, I said no.....he says okay. I am afraid the last guy left some porn page up on the screen so I glance over to the screen and it's email. So I tell the guy he can just close it up. The next thing I notice, he's going through the emails!!!!!! Okay, so he's just some jerk, right.....well, he comes to the counter about an hour later (I am pretty sure he went to other sites through this hour, leaving the person's email elsewhere) and notices my book by C.S. Lewis. I dont' have it out for anyone to notice, I was just reading it when he came up and I put it down. He starts discussing with me these other Christian books of Lewis' he's read. I want to tell him he's a big fat jerk for reading other people's email and then talking to me about Christian philosophy, till it dawns on me, telling someone off and then talking Christian philosophy is probably along the same lines of integrity.
Point-I am a jerk..........and I measure up to a jerk who would sit and read someone else's emails....
Monday, August 13, 2007
I need a chain saw
I was washing my car yesterday, when a question was posed to me......"What is a Christian, really?" The answer.....at that time "One who believes in the Messiahship in Jesus.....He died for the redemption of our sins.....and rose again". Now, if this is as simple as it is, the question that followed was "Then why are you so damn judgmental" (I even curse when I'm thinking of these things, I'm an idiot).
I have begun to read C.S. Lewis' "Abolition of Man", and I appreciated the first few pages of him totally destroying some education materials put out by these authors for students of middle school age. I was tickled and joined in on the fun because there are so many little things that drive me crazy in this world, and they pretty much almost always come down to what I feel is HORRIBLE communication. Yet, as much as I loved him pointing out the ignorance of people, I am moved to wonder if my doing this in my own life is being concerened with things I ought not be. In my quest to be less wordly and more godly (okay...less wordly first, let's be honest), I find that perhaps a huge step is to not concern myself with what is going on in the world (to an extent of course). This being said-my judgmental attitude needs to seriously be examined from a new angle. Rather than looking at people as "just not there yet", I realize it's not up to me to look at people at all. If someone tells me they are a Christian-is my job to line them up with some sort of expectation of what a Chrisitan is. This does not count those that are professed leaders of course, because natrually we are to be watchful of who we follow. I guess, this whole idea follows with what I believe is wrong with "the church"....we are too concerned with which sins people are committing, when it doesn't necc. matter-in the long run.
My point-I'm a jerk. Second-it is my prayer that God will transform my heart into where I believe He is taking my mind. It is not for anyone else as such, but rather my own growth and life within Him.
I have begun to read C.S. Lewis' "Abolition of Man", and I appreciated the first few pages of him totally destroying some education materials put out by these authors for students of middle school age. I was tickled and joined in on the fun because there are so many little things that drive me crazy in this world, and they pretty much almost always come down to what I feel is HORRIBLE communication. Yet, as much as I loved him pointing out the ignorance of people, I am moved to wonder if my doing this in my own life is being concerened with things I ought not be. In my quest to be less wordly and more godly (okay...less wordly first, let's be honest), I find that perhaps a huge step is to not concern myself with what is going on in the world (to an extent of course). This being said-my judgmental attitude needs to seriously be examined from a new angle. Rather than looking at people as "just not there yet", I realize it's not up to me to look at people at all. If someone tells me they are a Christian-is my job to line them up with some sort of expectation of what a Chrisitan is. This does not count those that are professed leaders of course, because natrually we are to be watchful of who we follow. I guess, this whole idea follows with what I believe is wrong with "the church"....we are too concerned with which sins people are committing, when it doesn't necc. matter-in the long run.
My point-I'm a jerk. Second-it is my prayer that God will transform my heart into where I believe He is taking my mind. It is not for anyone else as such, but rather my own growth and life within Him.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
A whole new world
I have discovered there is absolutely no way to prepare for having a child. Or, at least, not with a bunch of other crap going on. I thought I was more than ready to get back to work (don't get me wrong, I'm sooo happy), however, not having a clue that life was about to beat the crap out of me I just happily skipped back into the real world. In hindsight I should have been putting myself (and Ezzah) on some sort of schedule, cause we are both looking around like WTF!?
Ezzah spends all day at daycare, which she seems to LOVE. The people seem to really enjoy her, and are totally in awe that a 6 month old simply power naps through the day (20/30 min naps...2/3 times a day). She's definitely a handful in that regard, because once up....she's not one to spend a lot of time self-entertained.
I pick her up in the afternoon/evening, and I feel so guilty that I want only to hang out with her and spend some time. This leaves EVERYTHING else to wait....and then by the time she goes to bed (8), I am also exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining here....my point...I was NO WAY prepared for this...and I'm incredibly disorganized at these days.
Ezzah is a doll, and I love watching her everyday. Her expressions, her newness of exploration, and her ability to demand of me what no one else could ever possibly......full attention. I'm going to need an illegal worker to keep everything in order if this continues!
Ezzah spends all day at daycare, which she seems to LOVE. The people seem to really enjoy her, and are totally in awe that a 6 month old simply power naps through the day (20/30 min naps...2/3 times a day). She's definitely a handful in that regard, because once up....she's not one to spend a lot of time self-entertained.
I pick her up in the afternoon/evening, and I feel so guilty that I want only to hang out with her and spend some time. This leaves EVERYTHING else to wait....and then by the time she goes to bed (8), I am also exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining here....my point...I was NO WAY prepared for this...and I'm incredibly disorganized at these days.
Ezzah is a doll, and I love watching her everyday. Her expressions, her newness of exploration, and her ability to demand of me what no one else could ever possibly......full attention. I'm going to need an illegal worker to keep everything in order if this continues!
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