SAY CHEESE!

Now, I work in the "country", for all you southerners you can understand just what that means. Working in the country lends to some advantages: away from congested traffic, air is not so polluted, and you feel like you can move! That being said, there are some....interesting.....things about working in the country, and here's one of them. I don't mean the bicycle come sunglass hut, rather I'm talking about the random livestock. I don't feel out of place when I notice a cow here or a sheep there because in the country you get all kinds of animals crossing the roads. Where Pakistan is unique in my experiences, however, is the random livestock aren't so random! It is normal everyday life to share a park, the road, even a dip in the canal (for those who swim in it) with everything from sheep to water buffalo.

Yes, I purchased sunglasses from the man on the bicycle. That was the intent of the stop on the way home-the cows just made for a great photo moment!

M.M.M.

On the way to and from work I get my daily dose of co2, among other agents which I'm convinced are NOT on the recommended daily allowances, and I am reminded I am the one who wanted a motorcycle sooo badly. Idiot. It is just a small piece of evidence that thinking what would be such a great thing to have or do is not always as it seems. For the most part, though, I LOVE my bike. Her name is Maggie...the Metro Motorcycle-Metro being the brand name.

My observances on the bike are quite different than those when I was driving a car. Traffic in Lahore is not just bad it's WRETCHED! People have NO concern for anyone other than themselves on the road. While in a car you have a little bit of "too bad for you" to push your weight around-and even then that's dependent on the size of your car (and horn). It's a perfect case study for "survival of the fittest". The bigger vehicle on the road, the more likely you're going to get where you want...and how you want. The smaller vehicle, the more likely someone feels you dare share their road. If you are in a Land Rover..you rule. You can honk and sway about through traffic at remarkable speeds-and who is going to get into your way. If you are a Honda City or a Toyota Corolla you are second to push others around. And so goes the chain.....so, if you're a motorcycle, forget it, you are nothing. If you are a bicyclist or a donkey cart, you're worse than nothing! Oh, I forgot the rickshaw....you are unworthy of living!

Among other things...I am the only female driving around Lahore, or so it seems. There are female traffic police just now on bikes, however I have yet to see them apart from the picture in the paper. While I do not intend to strike a chord in the women's rights movement in Pakistan, I am now the coolest chick at my office! (and I look pretty bad ass in my jeans, red leather coat, red helmet, and sunglasses)

So, I have learned to hold my breath for incredible lengths of time and I dodge the donkey doo near my work, BUT I am on my bike!!!!

One Fine Day

There's probably all sorts of poetic ways to describe heartache and sadness. I don't find those two things very poetic so I won't bother to romanticize anything of that nature. The poetry for me comes with the healing and the warmth of God's love despite the rejection from people.

I find myself completely shocked, perhaps it's my controlling nature which causes me to live in a cloud of disbelief that my life has taken the path it has. Whatever the reason, I switch back and forth from complete depression and utter numbness. Anger has a place-but I don't want to stay there because I have to move on, if not now then eventually and the anger won't let me truly do that.

I am a believer that time heals all wounds-I just wish time would move faster because right now I feel like my life is in slow motion and I am begging to get out. What choice do I have, though, but to live as life has declared? If it was up to me it wouldn't be happening like this, would it, so how I can now think I have any control is just foolish.

I haven't bothered to treat God respectively, to ask for his comfort now seems hypocritical and laughable. I won't deny, though, I pray constantly He will hold my heart gently and provide peace as I am sad and alone.

Current situation aside for a moment; I feel I have led myself to this disastrous end by living in "hope" under the guise of commitment and/or love. My stupidity rings loud and true as I realize I did not heed to the warnings I received so so many times. Trust in your heart is over rated when someone else's' is untrustworthy. How do you control someone else' outlook on life? You can not, you can only offer a brighter picture and hope they will also see it. Too bad for me it didn't work that way. Mostly....my poor daughter.

Punctured tires, hungry tigers

It is almost impossible to know just where to begin. The beginning.......yet where is that. Please forgive if the commentary is a little difficult to follow; I will do my best to be concise.

Amid fears of terrorist activities and party violence, I packed up a bag yesterday morning and headed out to witness what I considered history. Perhaps nothing of any great story would happen, yet how could that be possible. Even if the same ole' same ole' came out of the elections, that in itself would be a story for all of the "free, fair, and safe" talk that had been going on. Hundreds of internationals came to babysit the polls and be sure that the voice of the people of Pakistan was heard. That is, except the women in some parts of the north, and those political affiliates who were boycotting the elections. When the low numbers are mentioned in the international media, I have yet to notice this analysis. Perhaps I've missed it, it's possible.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't even know where to go quite frankly. At the gas station NO ONE could tell me where a polling venue was. Given most of the workers come in from villages this is no surprise, but at least one of the other customers should have been able to offer assistance. It was looking bleak. Then through a good friend I got a hold of a sr. reporter with the English news channel who invited me to come along with him and his camera man. YES!

Introductions were made, pictures were taken, and I got to witness history. Safe history at that! I was very excited. Early in the day my guide informed me we would be going to one of the top politicians' house where this man and his son were both running to hold their seats in the assemblies. I was very excited. Yet, by the time we got there unofficial results were coming in and it was looking very bad for these two gentlemen. It had been looking badly for their whole party actually. The PML-Q was the ruling party, the President's party. The campaign trail was not littered with issues and promises, rather just simply who's party name was on the poster. The "symbol" used by the party spoke volumes. Choosing not to re-elect the PML-Q members was the citizens way of letting them know they no longer support the President. Too bad, so sad.

Another bit of analysis people in the U.S. won't hear......there were NO "terrorist" activities. There were no bombs (as reported by CNN), there was no random acts of violence by egotistical and/or brainwashed radicals. Rather, the violence which occurred (while still sad) was the usual party to party shootouts/threats, etc. Even the deaths which have been reported (within PK the report is under 20, outside it's being reported as closer to 30) are lower than in previous years. The voter turnout was not the lowest in all of the history of voting, and not even as low as many feared. I researched voter turnout in the U.S......every other voting year it's hardly 40% and the other years it's higher....makes sense. The point here is when it's low turn out in a place like Pakistan the world thinks it's dismal (and it may be), but you can also offer reasons such as past poll rigging, female intimidation, no real competition on lines such as policy, etc. What excuse do we have in the U.S.? The fact is people are people everywhere. Lazy, not persuaded one candidate over another is actually any good, and/or dis-trust in the whole system (Bush 2000 rings a bell). This is just the Federal Elections, who knows what kind of voter payoff, manipulation, intimidation exists throughout the U.S. My point-as with other issues- people should stop being so judgmental and start realizing people are no different despite their oceanfront view.

The big news, and perhaps the bigger story than all of the above-and this is where the U.S. and foreign news should be making note of changes in this country-is that the MMA (code for crazy radical people who support oppression of women and the "taliban") were voted out of their seats and replaced with the party known for being moderate...the PPP (think Benazir Bhutto). While I am not a particular fan of most of the PPP folks, this turn of events is HUGE! People managed to stand up to a group of people who have essentially kept the Northern Areas hostage with the help of the likes of Osama Bin Laden. I am interested to see how this particular win plays out.


I am back at work on Tuesday. It's pretty boring because most places just called today an additional holiday to be on the safe side. Lahorees are enjoying their food, sheesha and 4$ coffee (yes, we have it here too), and basking in their victory of returning to power the PML-N party. My family and I mourn. Not that we are overly impressed by the ruling party, but we do accept things have indeed improved even so slightly these past 5 years (and we can't stand the PML-N). Also-there is a bit of breath holding to see what the new parliament will do.


Too bad about those pictures.

Just the facts ma'am

Today I opened my email to a story from one of the leading English newspapers "dawn news". A suicide bomber has left for Lahore. First.....as if he's the only one!!! Second, (and here I'll simply cut and paste the actual part of the article) And if anyone doubts the reality of the stupidity, I'll include the link...

"They said the man was slim and tall, sported thick beard and wore glasses."
http://www.dawn.com/2008/02/14/top18.htm

I doubt I need to go on. If there's any confusion as to why this made the blog feel free to inquire, but I bet you get it.

The need for a slow down

I shouldn't be, but I am constantly amazed at what an idiot I am. The human side of life really sucks. It sucks because of this spiritual war that is ragging around us constantly. It's all Adam's fault. Alright, Eve played a part, but Adam should have done his job. Okay, we were meant to make up our minds to follow God or not....but the "unfair" advantage to this I am finding is the inability to remove thorns from our lives, despite repetitive attempts (and the fact we are actually able to). I think of when Paul was requesting God to remove the thorn in his side, and he is told he has been given what is needed. Yeah. But I suck at utilizing those.

My focus continually shifts from God to......everything/anything else. It's like spiritual a.d.d......praying, loving, worshiping God......"oh look something shiny!" It's not even that I find anything else more appealing or better for my life, it's just simply....something else. The danger here, is when that something else turns out to be an appropriate letdown the light bulb goes off and I remember "oh, I was actually on my knees". All of the emotions I feel about life can be summed up very easily.......I'm not living IN God, and therefore by attempting (even inadvertently) to find fulfillment in this world continually fails.

My happiness shifts as the realities of the world are in overdrive. Things I can not control control me. I am smothered by thoughts I don't even desire to have, and my stupid mouth is an ocean of death most of the time. (which I believe has been a blog incidentally)

My spiritual life is shallow, which can only be an indication of my spiritual mind. And as I finish my thoughts, I realize I will return to the floor of my room and plead with God what He's heard a million times before......forgive me and help me to think.

Even pillaging gets boring

The black stains on the street are not the oil spots nor tire tracks which belong; rather they are the charcoal
outline of the death of civility. While a majority of people chose not
to act in an animal like way, still others displayed a disappointing
behavior which even then only lasted hours. And yet again, a few
represent the masses for all the world to see and judge.

I learned of the assassination of Bhutto while sitting in Manchester awaiting my flight onward to Islamabad. I
saw the pictures of the violent emotions of people who could only think
to turn on their fellow man in response to a tragic act. Whilst I did
not care for Bhutto's politics, nor her behavior, I would never wish
her dead. I sat in disgust while the news reported how Rawalpindi
is the safest place in Pakistan (not the most dangerous, but DEFINITELY not the safest these days), and how this woman who had disgraced her people
multiple times was now being considered a hero for democracy over and
over again. Mostly, however, I wondered 'what the hell is going on' .
Several phone calls later a plan was put into place, and I was loading
up the car to head back to the airport to meet my connecting flight. As
I entered the double doors for international departures, it was obvious
the long winding que of Pakistanis were not afraid to go home......and neither was I.

The plane was not a-buzz with discussion over any fallen hero, conspiracy
theories, or a feeling of hopelessness. Mainly, these folks were just
hoping (as I) that they wouldn't get stranded in the airport, and they
would reach their homes and families/functions..which ever was taking them
over. Those I heard discussing the situation were more offended at the
local reaction in the streets and were curious what the situation on
the ground was really like, because truth be told no one really trusts
the news except for those you wish wouldn't (like frigtened family members).

Arrival was on time, and as expected. It was hardly noticeable
anything was going on outside the entry gate to the airport, as the
only distinction was a slight increase of military police and a smaller
number of passengers roaming around. All domestic travel had been
stopped, and virtually all public transportation was at a halt. And as
we left, I dug into my bad for my camera.....sadly, it was in the bag
in the drunk (what an idiot!).

For
two hours (almost to the second) we attempted to get to a relatives
house. They live merely 15 min away from the airport, however due to
blocked roads and make-shift bon fires we had to continually turn the car around and attempt a new route. It wasn't
as bad as it had been the day before. No one was pulling anyone out of
their vehicle and torching it....rather, a few ill-willed people would
take a few political banners, perhaps some scrap and
roast marshmallows along side the road while car after car turned around
and went another way. I could see patches of black smoke here, there,
another starting a few yards away. It was more obnoxious than anything
else. I noticed a bunker of about 6/7 army personnel sitting and watching the show as if they are just needing a cold drink and some popcorn. The
theory was to let these guys have at their "fun" so long as people were
not getting hurt. Nice job guys. Never making it into the city
residence, plan B was enacted and we went into Islamabad, where aside
from everything being closed and the streets being empty.....there was
no signal of chaos or trouble in the country.

Then
Sat came. Shops were opening up, even gas stations were slowly making
their way back to pumping fuel and cleaning windshields.
I was amazed at the amount of traffic on the road when there was
virtually no where to go. Families were enjoying the day off in the
park, playing cricket, or simply taking a stroll. Barber shops, grocery
stores, and food vendors were buzzing around Rawalpindi. Several feet from where some guy beat up his neighbor, he now grabs a cup of chai
, a hair cut and heads to work or the park. Most, I imagine, have no
real idea of why they were going crazy the day before.....this is
apparent because morning and protest have seemingly all been forgotten.
The adrenaline rush is over, these same people were probably not even going to vote
in Jan.....or at least probably not for B.B. Much like how
most of those taking part in the L.A. riots several years ago didn't
know anything about the Rodney King decision. The cable and Internet
operators were still working hard, as their was no interruption in
service....we can see where the priorities are in people no matter
where they are from. We all want our MTV andYouTube don't we?

I
head down to Lahore in the morning. Irritated and saddened that
senseless violence caused even greater senseless reactions. I think I'm
even more saddened the people couldn't even commit to more than a few
hours! Not that I'm hoping for more idiotic rebellion and death, it's
just here is another piece of evidence for the prosecution of man that
we are complete selfish morons. Life will resume in full swing within a
day or so I'm convinced. I'm also convinced political violence will
continue. There are many people out there who do not wish for democracy
in Pakistan. It may be tattered democracy, but it's still a spit in the
face of a select few. What I wish for mostly is people will choose to
disobey themurderers and refuse to be stopped, because what has taken
place the last several days is exactly what the "fighters" are hoping
for. They only need to kill a few people and the whole country goes up
in flames, and life is at a stand still. We don't need the "terrorists"
in the world, do we, because we cause more damage to ourselves from
within than those from outside could ever do. And that is the truth for
everywhere.