The need for a slow down

I shouldn't be, but I am constantly amazed at what an idiot I am. The human side of life really sucks. It sucks because of this spiritual war that is ragging around us constantly. It's all Adam's fault. Alright, Eve played a part, but Adam should have done his job. Okay, we were meant to make up our minds to follow God or not....but the "unfair" advantage to this I am finding is the inability to remove thorns from our lives, despite repetitive attempts (and the fact we are actually able to). I think of when Paul was requesting God to remove the thorn in his side, and he is told he has been given what is needed. Yeah. But I suck at utilizing those.

My focus continually shifts from God to......everything/anything else. It's like spiritual a.d.d......praying, loving, worshiping God......"oh look something shiny!" It's not even that I find anything else more appealing or better for my life, it's just simply....something else. The danger here, is when that something else turns out to be an appropriate letdown the light bulb goes off and I remember "oh, I was actually on my knees". All of the emotions I feel about life can be summed up very easily.......I'm not living IN God, and therefore by attempting (even inadvertently) to find fulfillment in this world continually fails.

My happiness shifts as the realities of the world are in overdrive. Things I can not control control me. I am smothered by thoughts I don't even desire to have, and my stupid mouth is an ocean of death most of the time. (which I believe has been a blog incidentally)

My spiritual life is shallow, which can only be an indication of my spiritual mind. And as I finish my thoughts, I realize I will return to the floor of my room and plead with God what He's heard a million times before......forgive me and help me to think.